I Believe You

When you say you believe me, I have more feelings than I know what to do with. I've never been great with managing my feelings, but nothing quite rivals the flurry of emotions that hit me whenever someone says those words.

Relief. This one's obvious. Of course you believe me. I'm telling the truth. But I have had so, so many interactions where I was not allowed the basic decency of being believed. So I am relieved that you believe me. Finally, someone believes me.

Anxiety. You believe what happened to me. That means you know that something horrible happened to me. Do you blame me? Are you ashamed of me? Do you look at me differently knowing? Do you look at me with the same disgust with which I look at myself?

Apprehension. Do you actually believe me, or are you just saying that? Are you sure you believe me? Like, really sure? I'm so used to not being believed. Where's the catch?

Fear. You believe me now, but will you change your mind? Or you believe me, will you use my trauma against me? Will what I've been through make you leave me?

Anger. Not at you, but at myself. Why am I so overwhelmed? Why is this so hard? Why can't I just be grateful that someone finally believes me and get over it? Am I really so broken that being believed can't just be healing for me? Why do all these other emotions have to come too?

But please keep telling me you believe me. I need your support more than I need to avoid all the feelings that come with it. I just want you to know how hard it is for me sometimes. Because not everyone has believed me. Most people haven't. Thank you for being someone who does.